The Single Most Important Lesson Older People Think Young People Need To Know
Karl Pillemer of Cornell University interviewed 1200 people age 70 to 100+ for his book “30 Lessons for Living: Tried and True Advice from the Wisest Americans”
I would say lesson number one, endorsed by almost all of these 1,200 people, and one in which people tended to be rather vehement, is “Life is short.” Or life is really short, or life is really, really short.
Some of their lessons which emanate from this “life is short” perspective are reasonably obvious. They argue that you should savor small, daily experiences and make the most of every day.
A lot of them think of young people as believing that you can be happy if only something occurs: if only they lose weight, gain weight, find a partner, lose a partner, get new job, get a different job, etc. They argue that once you hit 70, if you can’t learn to be happy in spite of bad things happening to you, you aren’t going to be happy for those 20 or 30 years. Almost everybody learned at some point in their life, that happiness is more of a choice than it is a condition.
No one— not a single person out of a thousand— said that to be happy you should try to work as hard as you can to make money to buy the things you want.
No one— not a single person— said it’s important to be at least as wealthy as the people around you, and if you have more than they do it’s real success.
No one— not a single person— said you should choose your work based on your desired future earning power.
When I asked them about their advice for selecting a future spouse, I didn't expect to hear this one: Take your partner’s family into consideration!
They point out that looking at potential future in-laws carefully can be an important safeguard against making the wrong choice. And the time to ponder this issue is before the wedding.
And finally you don't want complementarity
Chose a partner who is very similar to you: "Marriage is difficult at times for everyone, the elders assert, but it's much easier with someone who shares your interests, background and orientation. The most critical need for similarity is in core values regarding potentially contentious issues like child-rearing, how money should be spent and religion."
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